Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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