i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
