I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
