Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
