So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
