Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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