College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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