for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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