I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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