You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
