all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
