your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
