I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
