Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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