you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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