i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
