R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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