Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize