Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
