yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
