Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
