Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize