3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
