that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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