i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
