At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
