I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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