I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize