Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
