He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
