At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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