We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
