I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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