he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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