She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
