....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize