There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
