So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
