we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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