He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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