just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
