Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize