thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
MIDGETS
????
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
