Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
