last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
