Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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