Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
