its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
