so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
