It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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