When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
