Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
