she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
