I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
