so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
