dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize