I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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