i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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