I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
