i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
