After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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