I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
