i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
