my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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