You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
