Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
