what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
