Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize