theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
