Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize