I got her a Nickelback box set.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
As shirtless as possible
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
