The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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