I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So apparently I’m into choking now
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
