sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
