in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
