Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
