you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
