So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
