You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
