you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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