when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
