I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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